The Baron by ~plasticmice on deviantART
A little something for Emily's Birthday. Which turned out somewhat creepier than I'd originally planned...

Also, has anyone else noticed that there doesn't seem to be enough time lately?

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Just thought I'd update and let you know that I'm not dead. Although it felt like it for a while, and I might have even hoped for it a few times. But, no. I've just been a bit ill. Trapped in my bed, in fact. Except for the countless times I had to do the puking dash!

What's up with that? I hadn't eaten anything in days and yet my body still insisted that I drag myself to the bathroom and expel... what, exactly? Daemons? It certainly felt like it. Tearing their way up from my empty belly to claw and scuttle loose via my now extremely hoarse throat. Makes about as much sense as anything has lately.

As much sense as the dreams I've had! I've been searching my bed for bees, woken up coughing as I've been drowned or not been able to move at all as I've had my fingers, hands and arms broken by a thing sitting in my room. All in crystal-clear, total immersion reality. Then I'd feel too weak and painful to do anything but hope to fall back to sleep. Awesome!

Still, mustn't grumble. At least now I can sit up! And do walking every now and again! Although the stairs are still a bit tricky.

Oh, and I still get that feeling every time I'm ill for a long while that I'll wake up one morning and the whole world will have gone all 28 Days Later. Know what I mean? Although I probably won't have my winky out...

When I'm drawing I like to use a really fine point. Some of my pens have been hacked away to almost nothing, but they give the most fantastic line quality. Unfortunately, the scratch of a nib on paper isn't something that comes across into the digital world. We can, however, strive to achieve those lines we've come to know and love.

The brush I made tonight comes pretty close to matching one of my favourite inking pens, and was made by a complete fluke of trial and error and button mashing. It works beautifully with Photoshop and an Intuos4 with a flex nib; not so well with an Intuos2. You can try it yourself if you want: Download. Just like the actual pen, the harder you press down on the surface, the more the it leaks. Only, this one doesn't burn through hundred of cartridges... or leak in my pocket.

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Sadly, I don't have any living grandparents to test the theory, but I'm almost one hundred percent certain that, if they were still alive, the very last thing they'd want for Christmas this year is Brain Training. For reals!

I dug out my DSi again last night and was 'awesomed' to find that we [Europe] finally got a version of Flipnote! I spent ages making totally grown-up and non-obscene cell animations; for my own amusement. Also, one critical update later and I noticed that I could upload photos directly to FaceFook... and this happened. Which we should probably never speak of again.

Okay, I'm going back to poke some pixels. So many things to do and so little time. Have you people seen the latest Wacom 'Dreams' do-dat over at DeviantArt? I think I'll start work on that later. I've already spent my life savings on an Intuos4 [best thing ever!], but the other prizes are pretty amazing, and make it well worth a shot. That's if I ever get this piece finished. Anyways, If you don't see me for a while then send help. Or cake.

Remember that birthday party I was invited to? Well, Lily, the birthday girl, sent me a thank you note for her Play-Doh, and on the back she'd drawn a picture of what at first I thought was some sort of pig monster, but actually turned out to be a very flattering portrait of me! So flattering, in fact, that I felt the need to flesh it out and share it with the world.

Beautiful, isn't it? I particularly like my eyes! And... snout.

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I'm a dirty boy, and I'm going to food Hell. But is it really my fault that Walkers Ready Salted taste so good when they're dipped in Nutella? Reminds me of the days when you could still buy chocolate pretzels in the UK, a delight you can naturally still purchase in the US. *cough* Christmas *cough*

Not only does she want to rob me of my salty, chocolaty goodness, but the UK also wants to deny me my mail. Despite the postal strikes I did receive a copy of the letter sent from my neurologist to the headache clinic. One of the drugs he has suggested is Methysergide. I've been reading some very good feedback on it, but the whole 'molecular match to LSD' thing makes me giggle somewhat. I think I'm already pretty messed up as things stand, and throwing hallucinogens in the mix is surely just asking for tin foil underpants.

Speaking of. If you wanted to go to The Crown tonight, Scabz, then I guess it can be arranged. I've been up all night painting though and, like a dick, I forgot to take my medications until 6am so I might not wake until... How about you call the land line and get someone to poke me with a stick? That might work out easier?

And Hearts by ~plasticmice on deviantART

My mummy bought me a dressing gown made from... actually, I don't know what it's made of, but it feels like teddy bears. It's definitely the coziest thing I've ever worn in my entire life! I want to wear it forever.

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I don't like exposing myself. I certainly don't like telling people that I'm weak. However, I put my pride aside today when I saw my neurologist. I laid things on the line and pointed out that I don't like feeling the way I do when my brain goes into meltdown. He listened and he asked what he could do. Turning the question back on him, I said I wasn't sure, what can you do?

Turns out he can send me to a secret experimental bunker deep underneath the deserts of Milton Keynes where they'll pump me full of Gamma Rays, thus turning me into an angry, green giant with a penchant for smashing cars and saving the world. I fuck you not! Well, it'll be something similar. Six months of intensive drug treatment, six months of detox. Try it and see sort of situation.

In fact, that's where we left it. He's referring me to a headache clinic where they have access to new and experimental techniques. My letter is already in the post...

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If this image makes any sort of sense to you, then you should probably be locked in a small, padded room. Failing that, have a Happy Birthday instead! n__n

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When I was a child, the idea of living in a lighthouse always fascinated me.

Click it bigger! But don't leave fingerprints!
I think I lost a day. It was a Wednesday. I think my neurologist and I need to have a few words on the 16th.

Warning! This video contains flashing... everything!

Yup, it's true. Sometimes I like waste those ever precious free hours of my life slumped infront of the screen staring at the pretty moving lights. Honestly, Vimeo is dangerous. One click too far and before you know it you've lost your entire evening.

I purloined this from Paul; we can work out payment later. It's hard to believe that the game's being played by a human being, especially when it gets to the first stage of the warp zone [2.18]. The jumps are so intuitive; preemptive even. How many hours of mushroom jumping does it take to reach that level of interplay?

Also:



Mario World by *Orioto on deviantART

Toucheth If Ye Dare!
The common potato. Because sometimes an artist really can't be arsed to draw all those pointy teeth and dragon scales.

Now Wash Your Hands!
Making the most of this temporary low, some chipper little germ has found a weak spot in my immune system, has moved in and is currently humping my throat raw. You've got to admire the opportunists. Right?


Despite feeling rougher than a badger's posterior, I might take a trip to IKEA later. I fancy getting my hands on a Limited Edition Billy. Totally looks like something I'd make! Although I'm not sure that I wouldn't get sick of looking at it after a week. I might just pop along for the birthday cake.

Current Song

Unfortunately, it was Chloe. It seems that she was hit by a car on Thursday night. The man who found her said that she seemed to have died from the shock of it, rather than any obvious injury.

Life's strange. It set up the circumstances for her to become lost, my brother to find her, decide to take her in... and now this. Still, although we didn't get to spend many years with her she certainly was a quirky creature. I guess those memories will be ours forever.

Went to the Art Organisation last night. It was a bit quiet when we first got there, plus the wine was quite harsh, so we went here instead and drank some tequila; quite a lot of tequila as it happens.

We did eventually make it back to the Org and, admittedly, the music was better by then, although other things were a touch... blurry. I did become the proud, new owner of a vivid yellow T-Shirt though. Shirts which were printed right in front of us by the artists. Top stuff! Although now I'm having pangs to make my own screens. It'll be like my college days again, where everything had print on it!

You Wanna Super Size That?

A few years back, whilst celebrating Angela's birthday, it was noted that I tend to have some interesting tales to tell. Admittedly, at the time, I was talking about the sex submarine but that's... a whole other story. This little snippet comes from tonight's super healthy meal of pizza and Pepsi. As is the way of these things, it sparked a memory from my past.

When I was fourteen, and those pizza loving Ninja Turtles were storming the box office, it seemed like people in the UK couldn't get enough Domino's. As it turned out, there was one little boy for whom this wasn't the case. When I went into hospital I met a boy whose mummy had fed him nothing but pizza and cola, for a very long time.

Remember what happens when you mix flour and water? Well, if you eat enough of it, over a long enough period of time then, the chances are, you'll find yourself with an impacted bowel. The boy I met had such a bad case of fecal impaction that the surgeons had been forced to remove half of his bowel and fair sized section of his damaged intestine.

For the whole time I was on that hospital ward he cried because he was being forced to eat a milky, gruel-like stuff, which he'd probably be eating for the rest of his life. I think to my fourteen year old mind that was the saddest part of the whole thing.

It took me a long time after that to be able to eat pizza again; although I still can't stomach anything deep crust. It's just the thoughts of it sitting there... in my tubes. Waiting. Plotting.

As for the Ninja Turtles, I can only assume that they must have some kind of special ability for dealing with a pizza only diet? Maybe Master Splinter is trained in the ancient art of the colonic? The mind, it boggles. It really does.

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I got an email this afternoon from a good friend of mine who's in a spot of bother. He's gone and gotten himself a good dose of the crabs. A case of public lice. A crotch full of crusty critters! Funnily enough he thought I'd be the one to turn to for some sage advice.

What then, dear reader, did I have to say to Mr. Itch when he asked 'what he should do about it all'? I said this: I don't know what you're going to do, but I'm going to draw a picture of it and post it on the internet.

I received a text message twenty minutes ago calling me an asshole :D

Bigger?

I got my hands on a copy of The Darkness a few days ago and, naturally enough, I've been playing the hell out of it ever since. It didn't take long to finish and the story wasn't the greatest, but I have to say that the background game details were absolutely cracking! I spent hours walking around staring at the graffiti, which it turns out was designed by Swedish graffiti artists as the actual New York graffiti is subject to copyright issues... 0__o

My favourite elements, however, were the Darklings; little surprise there. Doing their best to cause as much havoc as possible, these cute little goblin-like daemons not only kill it and hump it but they'll piss on the corpse afterwards. Oh, and you get to dress them up too! It's just like the Barbie!

Anywees, I'm off to look at the lovely concept artwork, which you can unlock in-game by playing some of the side missions.

MOAR?!!

Ever get the feeling that there's so much you could be doing, so much you should be doing, and the pressure you put upon yourself to be doing it is so vast that it hurts, that all you actually end up doing is weeping piteously in a corner?

Ever get the feeling that if you could just change that one thing about yourself, make yourself just a fraction more like everyone else, that it'd all be okay?

Ever get the feeling that you've pushed yourself so far, worked yourself so hard and spread yourself so thin that you're no longer sure it's even you that you see looking back at you in the mirror?

Ever get the feeling that the world's slowly sinking within you and every breath you take, every word you type, is a fruitless, dying action?

Biggness?

We finally finished Eternal Darkness tonight! It's not that big of a game, but only playing it for a few hours each week has made it really drag on. I hate when things start to drag so it seems a shame to leave it like this, especially when the vibe of the game has been pretty awesome throughout; sort of reminds me of Bioshock.

Maybe I'll leave it for a few weeks and have a quick replay on my own? Like in the good old days of Resident Evil.

Probably best if you don't touch it!

Mild dyslexia and oddly named TV shows can often cause me to do a double take when I'm flicking through the channels. For example, on the BBC right now there's a show called: Waking the Dead. All very innocent, I'm sure, but sometimes having such a visual brain can produce the most... disturbing pictures.

So, it's sharing time!

Touch Me Larger!

Whilst normally I have the patience of a gathering of saints, of late I've been finding it harder to keep my cool. It's an entirely new experience for me, and those around me, and I'm unsure what's at the root of it all.

Perhaps it stems from the constant physical abuse my body's been going through of late, or perhaps it's something else, something slightly darker.

I like to think of myself as being a nice person. I'm one of those people who's there when other people have a problem and I do what I can to make the situation better; often this just involves listening. I listen. People tell me their problems. Small problems and big problems. Trivial things and life changing things. Problems. Burdens. Secrets.

It might sound mildly fascinating to know so much about so many people but, to be honest, it can become a drag. Imagine sitting in a room with three people having a conversation and having to guard your words dependent on those present and the angles of information as they know it. Now imagine a room of six people or of ten. Sometimes I feel like I can never relax.

It's not only my friends either. You'd be amazed how many random strangers will start talking to me and telling me things about their life that seem somehow ... I'm not sure if inappropriate is the exact word I want to use here, but it'll do for now. It's a phenomenon that my friends and family have noticed. You can leave me alone in a public place and the chances are that when you return I'll have someone sitting with me telling me their life story; riding the bus can be a nightmare.

Over the years I've found that I've become more withdrawn. Perhaps unconsciously I've tended to isolate myself from people in my lifestyle and work. Hell, you couldn't get more withdrawn from society than working through the night. Then you've got my hobbies: photography, art, video games etc. All pretty much solo affairs.

But it doesn't seem to have worked. Building a wall around myself hasn't kept people away and now whenever they come near there seems to be ... friction. Things seem to have turned volatile. Nowadays instead of standing passively by as someone repeatedly lies to my face I feel the urge tell them everything I know and watch what happens. Although, as I previously stated, I like to think of myself as being a nice person.

Thus, we cycle back to the anger. I suppose it's the only thing I can express in certain situations without breaking the trusts that people have invested in me. Plus, it's probably healthier than keeping it all inside. Although a quick re-read reveals a situation that's anything but healthy. I just wonder how long it'll be before I go from having a short fuse to having no fuse at all. I also wonder what that guy will look like...

You know all of those games you think about buying the first time around but never do, because of those few bad reviews? Well, I've been buying all of those games! If you follow of Twitter then you'll know that we've been playing Eternal Darkness on Tuesdays. But it's a rented copy and it had to go back and ... Look, you're not my Mom, okay!

Following on in the Lovecraftian vein we have Call of Cthulhu: Darkest Corners of the Earth. Now usually you just have to paint a tentacle on the cover and you've sold me a copy; this game was different though. Opening to good reviews it soon became known for being ridiculously hard to accomplish anything. So I was left with a dilemma: Buy a game where I got to explore the shadowy corners of Innsmouth or buy a game where I got to waste my cash seeing the same street over and over. I probably bought Pokemon instead -__-

You know when they bring out a game with specific plans to release extra content a few months down the line *cough* Castle Crashers *cough* ... Sometimes it just makes sense to wait for them to release it all in one shiny package. Ladies and potential ladies, I present: Mass Effect with Bonus Content Disc. That's the way to do it!

Finally. The potential lame duck: Too Human. When I was asked if I'd ever played Diablo I probably should've begun casting a shield spell. When I later admitted that I had, in fact, enjoyed the experience I remember those immortal words so very clearly: 'Then you should totally try Too Human.' And that's exactly what put me off trying it, the fact that I was probably 12 when I first played Diablo. Okay, slight exaggeration but you get my point.

Anyways. Lots of games to play through. Lots of art to finish. Lots of photos to upload to FaceFook :\ Why do I agree to these things? Why am I a nice person? Why am I not one of those people who tells other people to go screw themselves. Although, to be fair, I do shout at the TV. On the rare occasion I deign to switch it on...

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I've been going through my photographs tonight because I've made the foolish promise to upload a bunch of images to FaceFook. That aside, I couldn't help but notice how many of the people I know that are now dead. Morbid, huh? That also aside, it's really shocking when you see it set in a physical form, like that of printed photographs; and boy do I have a whole lot of those.

Thankfully none of the people featured in the above images are dead! Which is good, because they're all chocked full of awesome! :D

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It's 09 09 09! Or as we like to call it: 'The day that Mum and Dad really screwed the pooch!' This year marks thirty seven years of bondage. Good going, kids!

Around 2am on August 10th the first cluster headache struck; the effects of which left me pretty much limited to my bed, or at the very best I could make it downstairs to collapse next to Black Cat for a while.

When the second one woke me from my sleep a week later, and then the third hit during the middle of the night a few days after that, I was left feeling ... less then sparkly.

My doctor gave me new drugs (Migard), which did nothing but make me feel like a pain riddled zombie.

Around 3am on August 29th I was sat taking photographs from the top of a very high building, pondering whether or not this is the sort of existence I really wanted to endure.

By the start of September the cluster seemed to have passed and the worst of the drugs had worked their way out of my system.

I have an appointment to see my doctor again on the 16th to discuss ... well, I'm really not sure what they're planning to do for me. Perhaps I'll get a sticker? Like the sort that the dentists used to give out. Although I fear to ponder what the cheery slogan might read.

So, that was August. Perhaps I should print this out take it with me next take I see my neurologist? After all, he did mention the keeping of a journal. This one even has pictures!

Remember this scribble from ages ago? Well, today is Deviant Art's 9th birthday and, I'm not sure when, but someone awesome suggested my piece for a Daily Deviation. Today, someone equally awesome, featured it! To say that I'm proud is kind of an understatement n__n

The first I knew about it was when I got home today. I logged on to see if they were doing anything swanky on the site for their birthday and saw all these really positive comments on my page. Then I glanced up at my inbox and saw that I had 533 messages!! That's when I kinda realised that something weird was going on.

So you can imagine my surprise when I saw my work sitting on the front page.

I have a few hundred comments to read through next. All of them nice! It's so weird! People on the internet are being nice! About my art!! Must be some kinda parallel universe thing going on here? I'm beginning to think so. Especially when I found these in the supermarket today:



Tomatoes? Huh? Not making any sense? Elucidate? Okay, I'll try.

Those who know me 'in the flesh' know that I have a freakish sense of smell. I can pick up on the faintest of things. Those lucky enough to have lived with me know this all to well. Especially the girls... for some blush worthy reason. Moving on.

I'm in the supermarket today and I pick up on this amazing aroma of tomatoes. We're talking full-on greenhouse in Summer effect. It totally transported me back to my grandfather's house and the time he was explaining how to grow and care for tomato plants.

Not surprisingly these tomatoes are grown completely naturally and they taste amazing. Haven't had a store bought tomato that tasted so good since I was I child. Hopefully, this is a sign of good things to come!

Go have a look at their Facebook Group. The comments are all glowing endorsements!

A few days ago I mentioned that I was thinking of buying a Panasonic TZ7. As chance would have it, my brother turned up with one today, so I took the opportunity to try out the 'zoom macro' settings for myself. Come have a look how I fared:


( Lots more under the cut... )

Unkle Bartok by ~plasticmice on deviantART

I done a bad scribble!



I've also been watching Psychoville! Which I thoroughly enjoyed, and was one of the few things I actually bothered switching my TV on for nowadays.

Worth watching, if you can find the time.

EDIT: My brother just bought a TZ7! How handy is that? I got to try out the zoom-macro settings for myself after all, and I didn't even have to go to the store.

The verdict: as I expected. It's a very nice camera for the compact macro market but I think I'll try saving for the Canon Lens. The crispness of those shots has me sold!

The other night I took a very exciting trip to IKEA to find a matching Billy Bookcase for the already overladen one that's been living in my room these past few years. I've been putting the task off as I have somewhat of a phobia to all things IKEA. I'm sure that the original IKEA stores are beautiful! I'm equally sure that I'd have a wonderful time visiting them. However, like all things taken out of their native environment, UK IKEA stores don't, shall we say, thrive.

No, it's best to get your IKEA shopping done as quickly as humanly possible. Even better: do it at night! Thus, it was under these circumstances that I found myself racing through the checkout and heading home before the 'little maggot of common sense' had found the time to gnaw it's way into my brain. If such a thing had occurred I might have paid attention to the extra tape on the box. I might have noticed the slight rip along the bottom of the cardboard. I might have noticed that some arsehole had opened the box and removed half of the fixings. That's right, not all of them, just half. Obviously they didn't want to leave me completely 'screwed', just completely unable to install any shelves.

Okay, here's the really annoying thing: IKEA has buckets of spare parts which are freely available to anyone. I know this because I had to go back there today and ask about it. But there they were, huge buckets of spare parts with no limits on what you could take. Yet someone still felt the need to loot my bookcase.

A bookcase which, thanks to those spare parts, is now fully assembled and being slowly loaded with all of the essentials; as you can see in the above image.



Speaking of images, I've been having the urge to go macro again. Having looked into buying a macro lens for the Big Camera the basic maths means that it'd actually be cheaper to buy something compact with decent macro capabilities, like the Panasonic TZ7. I don't suppose any of you have any experience with the TZ7 or any other recommendations?



You might recall that my mother snapped her fifth metatarsal back on Easter Monday. She then went on to break the toe on the same bone a few months later. If you look on the X-Ray where the little toe would be and follow it backwards, you can see where the break has fused. Not a doctor? But I'm betting you can still spot those nasty jutting chunks of bone. But we were assured on the last visit to the hospital that all she needs is some light physiotherapy.

The funny thing, the physio took one look at the X-Ray and said that the fusing had caused a shortening, and it was no wonder my mother is in constant pain. His recommendation is that it be re-broken and set correctly; which is what should have happened in the first place. Go NHS!



Okay, that's my quota of wurds used up for the day. I told you, it's all very dull. My life's all about the work nowadays.

It's been ages since I've updated! I'd explain how I've not had the time. How I've been working my arse off. How my mum never recovered from her broken foot. But all that's very dull. So here are some: ( DINOSAURS! )

The DVD for Lost and Found arrived today! I'm a huge admirer of Oliver Jeffers' work and I've been looking forward to the DVD release ever since the film was shown on Channel 4 at Christmas.

The move from book to film works wonderfully and Studio aka did an amazing job capturing the innocence and the purity of the story. I have to agree wholeheartedly with The Times when they described it as being: 'Nothing short of stunning'.

All that and there's a giant squid! Be still, my Cthulhu heart n__n

I had my follow up neurological appointment yesterday and it was short and sweet creepy. Actually, to be fair, my doctor is sort of growing on me. You know, like the mad uncle you only see once or twice a year.

He listened as I explained the difficulty I'd experienced with my local doctors surgery and how they seemed unable to follow the clear steps in his letter. He listened as I told him which medications I was now taking. He listened as I described how the new medication acted like a dimmer switch, turning down the daily pain I experienced by 50 to 60%.

Then he told me that I had a lovely brain.

Now. I don't know if anyone has ever told you that you have a lovely brain, but nothing really springs to mind as a suitable response. So I asked him if it would be possible to see for myself, and he said yes. Which hopefully means that some time soon I'll have a copy of my brain scan to play with. My lovely brain.

That aside, the outcome of our chat was slightly more enlightening. The weight loss from the Topamax is normal and it'll stop at some point (bones?). I can cut out one of tablets from the three that I've been taking. My brain is normal. My blood is normal. My organs are normal. I simply have a faulty gene which functions violently and spectacularly beyond the norm.

So. I'm normal. Which means that no one can complain anymore when I post weird pictures. Because I'm normal. I have it in black and white.

I might even frame it.