December 12th, 2002


Lucid -

Lucid dreams can be scary. Last night I woke up in my dream. I was on the floor in a library in what seemed to be someone's house. My head was hurting and I couldn't remember how I'd gotten there. There were two groups of people in a far corner and some people sat around what appeared to be a reading table in the centre of the room. I walked over to the table and they were shocked to see that I was awake. They asked me if I was okay and I explained that I couldn't remember anything. I literally couldn't recall anything. My mind was completely blank. They told me that i'd been wounded during a recent gunfight. They went on to explain that the war had be raging since Christmas and the streets were lined with the dead.

We seemed to be sat round the table for hours. Some woman was checking the bandages on my arm and the wound on the back of my head. I remember that it really hurt as she probed around at my scalp. All this time some old guy was explaining how we'd come to be there and how we'd got enough food to last for another month. They kept asking really bizarre questions but I couldn't recall anything about who I was or where I was from. I was totally freaking out. It was like my head was full of cotton wool. The woman insisted on giving me an injection for the pain and then announced that she'd be serving some food in a few minutes.

I sat talking to the old guy about the house we were in whilst the food was served and he told me that it was in Berkshire. He explained that they'd found me near the train station a few days ago and they'd expected me to die. We ate the dinner in silence. The two groups of people had come over to the table and I was introduced to the two families, both had two children. One of the kids, a boy about seven years old, kept crying and refused to eat any of the food.

I remember sitting at the table, staring at the wall. I was playing with a spoon. Turning it over and over in my hand. The mother from one of the families came over and talked to me. She was trying to gauge how much I could remember. I was trying to answer her questions but nothing was sparking in my brain. It was like I was totally empty. She said she was sorry and that it must be really hard not knowing what was going on around me. I began to say something but I was distracted by the spoon in my hand. It folded back on itself. I dropped it on the table and it bend back to it's normal shape. I picked it up and it folded in on itself and the bowl part fell off, still folding inwards.

I tried to say something but the woman next to me had started to scream. I dropped at the handle of the spoon and grabbed the fork from the table. The second it was in my hand the tines begin to roll back over themselves in tight curls as the head flopped backwards. A voice in my head said: "That is impossible. You cannot bend. Try to understand the truth." As I looked up from the table the rest of the people in the room had come to see what was happening. As I looked at the crying kid's face the pain in the back of my head grew to intense proportions and I blacked out.

Well... I blacked out in that world. In this world I woke up. I didn't know where the hell I was or what the hell was going on. It took me ages to focus and I had a total paranoia attack. What had just happened had seemed so damn real. It felt like i'd been there for hours. In actual fact i'd been asleep for less that an hour and a half. Those words kept running through my brain: "try to understand the truth." It went over and over and I couldn't get back to sleep. I sat there thinking about it until 7 this morning.

I've had many lucid dreams before and they're usually quite enjoyable. This wasn't. I've been a bit freaked out by it all day. It all seemed too real.