February 20th, 2003


Random Tard

I just checked my mail and spotted another cracker. I don't usually post them but this one irked me somewhat:

From : *********@lycos.com>

Subject : enquiry to livejournal

Date : Thu, 20 Feb 2003 11:02:55 +0100 (CET)

Dear Sir

Why do you have an Livejouranl on your webpage?

Youre photos are really great. You look good.

I also need to find your messager because you must talk to me.

With thanks *********@lycos.com

*pauses for contemplation*

I was going to be bitchy. I was going to point out how fucking retarded you sound but I really don't think I need to.

I liked how you opened. It was formal, in a grovelling kind of way. Then you come in with some fucked up, half-english, question about LiveJournal. But the killer was in the close. I must to speak to you. Ooooh, yeah. I can feel it too, honey! It's almost as if my life won't be complete unless I do. Damn. I need you!! I need to have some half-assed conversation with you whilst you gently insert requests for photographs of my genitalia. Or possibly whilst you pose as a 17 year old Dutch schoolgirl who wants to exchange naughty pics; cunningly providing images you blatently skanked off a porn site earlier that afternoon.

I mean, for fucks sake people. If you're going to try a hustle at least make it seem appealing! Lure me in with witty banter and soothing words. Don't send me an email that implies you're busily wanking over photographs of my face.