December 13th, 2003


[ mother of my mother ]

My Gran's funeral was odd. I think it felt that way because i'd already said goodbye to her in person and now I was expected to say goodbye to a box. I don't quite get that.

It was a good service though with a scarily large attendance. The trip up to the burial site was horrible as I was stuck in the lead limo with my Aunt and Uncle. No one said a word for the full twenty minute trip. I don't think I even moved. I simply sat with my eyes locked forward, staring at the hearse.

It rained a lot. The ground was squishy and the grave had bore holes in the bottom to keep it drained. The grave was about twelve foot deep and I stood at the foot of it throughout, watching the rain swish out through the holes.

When the service was finally over we were offered a few minutes to say our final goodbyes. I thought about this for a few seconds and walked away. I didn't feel the need. Everything had been said already.

Later on there was food at my Gran's church. It felt very strange not to see her running about from table to table taking orders for tea and bullying people into buying cake. My Aunt tried to talk to me but by that point i'd totally withdrawn and dosed up on codeine. I think I saluted her. But it's a bit blurry.

I remember going upstairs with the Pastor to look at the new rooms my Gran's fund raising had paid for. I told him that there should be some sort of tribute to her.

There's a fantastic view of the market place from the end room. I told him that i'd come along one day and take some photos.

My Gran used to describe herself as a rough diamond. Yesterday they described my Gran as a rough diamond with a heart of gold.

The Lady had a lot of respect.

[ is this your voice ]

Okay, someone called me during the funeral, the number was withheld. Then they called again later that evening and once again that night. I'm pretty sure that the first call was accidental, one of those: 'Oh, my God I called someone without realising' situations. The message left on my answer phone was pretty bizarre. The second message was even... better. But who is it?

This is the simplest way of handling the matter. I've uploaded the message, all I need to know now is: is this your voice?