March 23rd, 2004


[ cum in my tea ]

I'm back. I've had my one time degradation and it was muchly fun. The literacy test came first. I'm particularly proud of my use of the word came in the previous sentence which will become apparent if should continue to read any more of this crappy diatribe.

The test was laid out thusly. You are presented with a sentence. One of the words in the sentence is spelt incorrectly. Identify the word and then spell it correctly in the panel provided.

Here's an example taken verbatim from the test. Question three: Would you like to cum in for a cup of tea.

I kid you not. That's what was one the paper in front of me. Would you like to cum in my cup of tea. I began sniggering. The sniggering, possibly through th application of nerves and too much caffeine, became a guffaw; and very noticeably so.

The nice lady conducting the test asked what was the matter. I held up the paper and said: "Oh, cum on you've got to be kidding!"

Turns out she wasn't. Yes, indeedy! It turns out that the test was pretty much the same all the way through. I got three questions wrong out of plain stubbornness. I refused to read a page of text to find out what a certain article pertained to. I simply guessed. Which was funny from my perspective.

The maths was a breeze. With the exception of a bus time table question. But everyone gets those wrong because you always get your friend to work out what time the bloody bus is supposed to be here.

So, yeah, overall I did exceptionally well and was classed as a band one candidate for employment. Sadly I won't get to go on any swanky dandy courses for self-improvement. Which makes me a little bitter. Oh, come on! I had to get up at seven am to take this bloody test. I should at least get something out of it! Even a sticker would've been peachy keen... a sticker bearing a crocodile. A crododile who is smiling.


The woman performing the test had to fill out lots of forms listing my current qualifications. She was listing my A Levels when she realised that she couldn't spell psychology.

Irony isn't wasted on me, kids. It isn't wasted.
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