April 9th, 2004


[ stars shining bright above you ]

I really shouldn't watch anything pertaining to the war in Iraq or the current spate of hostage taking before heading off to bed. My lucid dreams took on definite oppugn nature last night and to make matters worse I couldn't rouse myself from them.

At one point I was held to floor and shot in the head three times. Anyone who knows the mechanics of lucid dreaming will know that this is not a pleasant experience!

The dreams cycled through the same series of events; being held captive, trying to escape, failing and dying in some rather physical and bloody manner.

I began to take a strange kind of pleasure in watching my body being destroyed and then reconstituted. Watching my guts pour from my body as I was hacked open and watching the world fade to black... only to wake up back in the room where it had all began to face the terror anew.

After the umpteenth run through I began to ignore the wounds and the feeling of imminent death and instead turned my attention to the room. Ignoring the shots and the gouges I made my way to the doors at the end of the room.

Beyond them lay a tiny room, back-lit by a shuttered window. Standing next to the window was a Geisha who handed me an egg. She told me how to break the egg and, simultaneously, cut my hand so that the blood and egg fell into the garden below. She told me the words to say so that I would forever live within the garden and my cycle would become eternal.

As I began to bleed out through my hand I had the sensation of being drawn down to the garden and its ever expanding horizon. Spilling my blood as I went, I was rushed through the greenery and was absorbed into the endless vistas... and ultimate blackness.
  • Current Music
    K's Choice - Not An Addict