The Malformed Musings of a Maligned Mind

I almost forgot about this story until I knocked the newspaper clipping off my desk just now. I meant to share it with you earlier but I got caught up in a terrible auto accident. I'd barely made it out alive when a plane crashed out of the sky and destroyed what little remained of my car and took my left leg off along with it in the flying shrapnel. And just when I thought I might stand a chance of re-attaching the leg if I got to the ER in time, a dinosaur ran out of the nearby woodland and munched the leg down in one before making off to hide in the rhododendrons.

Apparently seeing a black fox is a sign of ill fortune. But I don't believe in that sort of nonsense.

On Tuesday my shiny new Walkman arrived from France; saving me about sixty dollars on the identical British model. Makes you wonder why the British economy is crumbling, huh? Anyways, being the excitable beast I am I soon had it up and running. Cramming the headphones into my ears I thrilled at the crystal clear sound quality and squee'd at the photo/video browser. I was a very happy bunny indeed.

The next day I awoke to a sharp pain in my left ear. A pain which grew progressively worse throughout the day and was followed by a foul stench exuding from my lug hole.

A short trip to the NHS walk-in centre later and I'd been diagnosed with a simple inner ear infection; probably from a foreign object being inserted into my ear. And what does this teach us? That's right! That the French truly are dirty beasts we should always swab our new headphones with alcohol before we poke them inside us!

Lesson well and truly learned!