So, aptly cheery, and laden with a single Tesco carrier bag I returned home.
Mother: I got the Christmas TV guide.
Me: Really. Which one?
Mother: Oh, just the free one that came from the newspaper. I stole it from McDonald's.
Me: I thought you weren't eating McDonald's?
Mother: No. I'm not. I just stole the newspaper.
Me: Oh, okay. Where is it? I'll have a look through it in a minute.
Mother: I've left it open on the film page. I thought you could mark all the good films for me.
Me: Hmmm... whatever.
I began to stare at the film listings whilst she made a cup of tea.
Mother: Anything good?
Mother: I was thinking of chopping up the Christmas Tree and burning it.
Me: They're showing Shrek on the BBC. You'd probably like that. Have you got a pen?