RJ Brudenell (azoth) wrote,
RJ Brudenell

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Freak Magnet ... being one

So, I head off into town to get drunk. A simple plan? You would think so, huh. Unfortunately I had inadvertently put my freak magnet pants on...

I was waiting for the bus when Mr Twitch came up to me asking me the time? and if I knew when the next bus was? oh, and more importantly if I could guess what he had in his bag? Ooh, is it a bomb? Thankfully the bus came before I had chance to find out.

So I'm sat on the bus when a very drunk couple stubble on. The woman sat in the seat in front of me and her husband sat next to me. *!Go Freak Magnet!* She started complaining that all the people on the bus were 'looking at them funny' what with them being steaming drunk. She then turned to me and said: 'but you're lovely, I can tell' then she glanced round the bus and said: 'I wouldn't sit next to any of them though - especially that fat guy there.' Okay I couldn't help it, I giggled - a lot. She laughed and said: 'Ooh, I've got my claws out today. I'm a cat you know! I've got the tattoo to prove it!' At this point the woman pulls down her top, exposing her right breast. The letters "C-A-T" and branded above her nipple whilst the nipple plus three small dots form a rather 'beautiful' paw print effect... I was stunned. Totally. Her husband just sighed and said: 'Put your saggy tit away, woman!' It was a shame but they got off the bus at the next stop - and stubbled into the nearest pub...

Still, giggling about the tit incident I strolled up the hill toward the pub. I'd -almost- managed to get there when I was stopped by a tramp; a really nice one. Not the usual spare some change or I'll stab you type I'm used to. He said my hair was very cool - on account of it being blue and spiky. I thanked him - he asked if I could spare any money. I gave him 50 pence and he said: 'Ah, that's great mate. I can buy two packs of paracetamol with that.' Hmmm, thought I, can we spell suicide? Still, I do like to share the wealth...

Right, so finally I reached the pub. Ah, the pub, my bastion of safety from the freaks of the world... except when it's overrun by football freaks. Damnation! The place was wall to wall with Beckham wannabes - all in full England kit. That's when to urge to drink something very strong hit...

I went for the absinthe option...

Tags: freaks, pub

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